You never realize this until somebody is gone, but in movies when people die, its exactly in real life. The light goes out of their eyes. There is no other way to explain it. You can tell when they are gone too. Its not just like, boom, they are sleeping, and then if your watching them sitting at their bedside, you don't just keep staring. You notice they are gone, and sadness rips away at your being.
Later, the hardest part was watching them suffer when they were alive. Day after day for weeks on end. You see things that they gave you, they held or some relation of something to that person. And its hard, because nothing you can do will get them back.
It seems like a dream, that they will walk through the door still alive and healthy, but its a false dream that will never come to be. A dream that will forever stay ahead of you in the future and behind you in the past. Its heartbreaking